Tag Archive | birth

A letter to myself

Welcome to the June 2015 Carnival of Natural Parenting: Talking to Yourself

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have written letters to themselves. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

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Dear Mama,

Remember this. Remember this for it is at this exact moment that your heart expanded, became borderless in order to contain the love you have for your sweet baby daughter. Just short minutes ago your body was carried on a wave of primal energy as your womb contracted and a guttural moaning like nothing you ever made before emerged somehow from within you and you felt her move further and further towards the world. You are birthing mama.

Remember this. Remember the shock sensation as she slid from your body upon a wave of effort as you let out one final mother-bear roar and your eyes opened on a world that was forever changed because she was now in it. Just short minutes ago she was unknown to you, a little being hinted at in midnight kicks and wriggles. Child of your imagining, daughter of dreamy visions, of between-the-world auguries. You are visioning mama.

Remember this. Remember the first flutterings of deep blue eyes and the spark of recognition within them as they meet your gaze for the very first time, or perhaps for the millionth as surely you must now see that you have known this little soul since time immemorial? See how as you reach out to stroke her tiny little hand she curls her fist around your finger and in that moment you know you will do anything for her. In that moment you know you will reach for the moon, battle any dragon and shift mountains. You are warrior mama.

Remember this. Remember her rosebud mouth seeking your breast, her lips finding their destination and those first tentative suckles as she calls upon your body to nourish hers for the first time. Remember your breasts responding to the call to sustain her little form from yours, the milk-flow reaching her little mouth, and she sighs her pleasure and settles in for the first of many feeds. You are nurturing mama.

Remember this. Remember her sweet baby scent. Oh, the scent of her. No herb, no bloom, no expensive perfume has ever compared to her sweet baby smell as you seek to know her in your soul. In this moment you did not know it was possible to love so intensely. Years from now, when the milk has long since ceased flowing you will be able to close your eyes and relive the scent of her. You are loving mama.

Remember this. Remember all of this and more. This is a new world. Each day she will grow a little. Each day you will journey a little further away from this moment so take it all in. Every bloody, blissful, joyous detail of these first moments with your new baby daughter. Do not forget mama. Wherever this journey as her mother should take you always remember this.

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Carnival of Natural Parenting -- Hobo Mama and Code Name: MamaVisit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

  • Dear Me. — Meegs at A New Day writes to her decade-younger self offering a good reminder of how far she’s come, and she addresses some fears she wishes future her could assuage.
  • Reflecting on Motherhood with Parental Intelligence: A Letter to Myself — Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. at Parental Intelligence writes about raising her two loving, empathic sons with Parental Intelligence and finding they have become industrious, accomplished young men with warm social relationships.
  • A Letter to MyselfThe Barefoot Mama writes to herself in the moments around the birth of her daughter.
  • A Letter to Myself — Holly at Leaves of Lavender offers a missive to herself in the past… three years in the past, to be precise, when her little one was only four months old.
  • Dear me: Nothing will go the way you’ve planned — Lauren at Hobo Mama gets real with her just-starting-parenting self and tells it to her straight.
  • A Letter to the Mama Whom I Will Become — Erin from And Now, for Something Completely Different writes a letter to the Mama whom she will one day be, filled with musings on the past, present, and future.
  • Dear Me of 7 Years Ago — Lactating Girl at The Adventures of Lactating Girl writes to her pre-baby self telling her about the whirlwind she’s about to enter called parenting.
  • Talking to My 18 Year Old SelfHannahandHorn talks to herself as she is just entering college.
  • Dear highly sensitive soulMarija Smits tells a younger version of herself that motherhood will bring unexpected benefits – one of them being the realization that she is a highly sensitive person.
  • Talking to myself: Dear Pre StoneageparentStoneageparent enlightens her pre-pregnant self about the amazing transformations life has in store for her after having two children
  • Dear Me: I love you. — Dionna at Code Name: Mama wrote herself a few little reminders to help her be at peace with who she is in the moment. That may give her the greatest chance of being at peace in the future, too.
  • My best advice to the new mama I was 8 years ago — Tat at Mum in Search shares the one thing she wishes she’d figured out earlier in a letter to her 8-years-ago self (that’s when her first baby was 6 moths old).
  • A Letter to Myself — Bibi at The Conscious Doer sends a letter back in time eight years to her darkest moment post partum.
  • To me, with love — Jessica at Crunchy-Chewy Mama makes peace with her past and projects what a future her will need to hear.
  • To Myself on the Last Day — Rachael at The Variegated Life tells her panicked last-day-before-motherhood self not to worry.


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The Birth

Do you gaze upon her beauty with awe? This wild- haired wolf woman

As she howls her moon-song, drawn, it seems from some unearthly source.

Or do your eyes turn from the sight of blood-rivers upon her thighs?

Ocean tides surge, threatening to rip apart her very seams,

And you wonder – how can a being survive such a sundering?

Yet she lives. She roars, and she gathers her fragments again and again,

Riding triumphant upon tsunami waves that cannot break her.

See her eyes that witness something you cannot fathom?

She is gazing upon the ancient ones gathered around the cave flame.

They have come to her calling, dancing her, incanting their primal sister-song.

They sing her and her soul responds to their music.

She is gathering the threads of ancient woman-wisdom,

And even as her mouth cries “I cannot do this” she steps further into the fire.

This wild one. This untameable. This hip-spiralling, force of nature.

Do you gaze upon her beauty with awe?

Far and Away Over the Rainbow Bridge: Berry’s Story

This is my daughters story. It is inspired by the Feri creation story and the Waldorf birthday stories. This is how she came to be.

There once was a little soul spark. She lived very happily, held gently in the embrace of She from whom all creation sprang. The little spark knew nothing of days or nights. She knew nothing of seasons. She knew only that she was a tiny part of all that is, was or ever would be. That was until she began to feel something different, the tiniest awareness of another soul reaching out to her. The little soul spark didn’t know at first what it was that seemed to touch her being but soon she began to dream about a place that shone blue and green and there, in that place, was the soul that she had felt reaching out to hers. She caught glimpses of that other, a soul in the form of a woman.

The little spark felt this other one. She felt the love of the woman and heard her whispered wish for a child and gradually something awakened in her, and it seemed that she must answer the call of that other soul. As she rocked gently in the embrace of the creator this feeling grew and grew until at last she decided to seek the guidance of the Holy Mother. Holy Mother smiled when she heard her little one tell her of her need to reach the one she saw upon that blue-green sphere and she told her something of the tremendous journey she must take if this was truly her wish. The little spark thought hard but she knew that this was the path she must now take.

Holy Mother gathered the little one to her. She spoke of her great love for this little spark of her creation which had emerged from within her. She reminded the little soul to remember always that she was greatly loved and then they set out together to begin the great journey. Holy Mother first took the little soul to meet a special star and out of the dust of it she created a physical form that the little soul spark would inhabit. “Remember always that your body is sacred” she told the little soul. Next she took the little soul to meet Sister Moon. Sister Moon gifted the little soul with the rhythms of her life-force and a little flowing and a pulsing arose in her newly created star body. Holy Mother took up the little soul one more time and together they went to visit Father Sun. Father Sun gifted her with the heat of his body and her little form grew warm.

Now they came to the rainbow bridge. Holy Mother explained to her little one that this was the final step and that should she step onto the bridge she would have a long rest before awakening to her new life. The little spark must now be sure that her path was to join that other soul. The little one thought for just a moment and took one tentative step onto the path of many colours.

She rested then. She floated gently, a soul inhabiting a tiny new body in the warm womb waters for many months as Sister Moon waxed and waned, and waxed and waned. Then one day she awakened and knew the time had come to be born to her mama. The womb of her mama worked so very hard and she was propelled along on surge after surge until, from somewhere, she heard a cry such as only a birthing woman can make and her world was forever changed. 

Little soul blinked open her eyes and the very first thing she saw in this new world was her mama’s eyes gazing into hers. At once they knew one another. Soul met soul. At once a love was born. The little girl was held in loving arms. She sighed upon a new breath and settled in close as her rosebud mouth sought her mama’s breast. She was home.