Letters to my daughter: Four weeks old

This will be a series of letters to my daughter that I hope she will read when she is old enough. This first letter is written to her when she is four weeks old.

Dear Berry,

My sweet baby, you are just four weeks old yet you have filled my life with such blessings. When I look at you I can’t believe that you have been in our lives for four whole weeks. Each time I meet your beautiful gaze I feel I am seeing you for the very first time.

Berry, I want you to know how very much you are loved. You came to me in a vision of what could be at a time when I didn’t think having a baby would be possible. Despite the difficulties you remained on the edge of my awareness, always letting me know you were waiting to come to us until I had to listen because my heart and soul wished for you to join our family. So, against the odds your daddy and I began to plan for you, to talk about what life could be like if you were here and we began to believe it might be so and you soul and mine drew ever closer.

You were conceived at Beltane and I soon found out you were nestled in my womb. I didn’t have an easy pregnancy yet every single moment was beautiful because it was another moment nearer to meeting you. At night I lay awake feeling you exercise your little body in readiness for being in this world. Your daddy read you stories and together we dreamed of what our lives would be like with you in them.

You were born at 11.22pm on Saturday the 24th of January 2015. I could not believe you had arrived. I held you to me and loved you from the moment we first met, and your hair! Your hair was your most amazing feature. So soft and so very dark. You fed at my breast within minutes and stayed there for an hour. I think of all the babies I have encountered as a midwife you have been by far the best feeder I’ve known! All night I held you and talked to you about the adventure we would have together, and your little eyes opened and gazed into mine for the very first time and it was at once a first meeting and a remembering.

I took you home the next morning and you got to meet your sister and brothers. They have loved you from the first, always there with loving arms to hold you. You are so loved by us all. You love to be near us. At night you sleep nestled against my body or cuddled on mine or daddy’s chest. Often when you are sleeping you peek at us with your intensely beautiful eyes, gazing upwards, soul meeting soul. When you feed you offer me your little hand, sometimes wanting me to stroke your little fingers, sometimes to curl your hand around my fingers as though you want to make sure I am there for you. You lay now upon my chest, our skin meeting and the sweet scent of you baby head reaches me. Oh, how sweet the scent of you!

At four weeks old you are beginning to smile, though often you appear to be thinking quite seriously about something, trying to make sense of something new. You can copy simple faces, and your sister loves to play this game with you. You are beginning to explore the world with your hands and mouth. Yesterday you grabbed on to your clothes and stuffed them into your mouth! You enjoy stories, your favourite so far seems to be The Very Busy Spider which seems to captivate you and you are beginning to show an interest in bright toys.

Berry, my sweet baby, I want you to know two things. Firstly that you are and will always be loved unconditionally. Secondly that a world of possibilities await you. I will always try to ensure that you know you have choices. You can be anybody you want to be and do anything you want to do and know that we will love you and support you always.

My sweet Berry, your daddy and I are so excited to explore this world with you. We are grateful every moment for you choosing us as your mama and daddy. We love you so very much, always and forever.

Your Mama.

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